That sweating, trembling feeling: 10 strategies to cope with your shyness
Social anxiety can manifest itself mentally and physically. Here are ways you can learn to manage it
社交焦虑可以在精神和身体上表现出来。您可以学习以下的方法管理你的社交焦虑
A woman looks through a gap in the curtains.Shy people often feel anxious about social encounters. Photograph: Alamy
一个女人透过窗帘的缝隙看着窗外。害羞的人通常会对社交感到焦虑。摄影：Alamy
According to British singer-songwriter Morrissey, “shyness is nice”. When it leaves you feeling breathless, voiceless and even friendless, though, it can be anything but nice.
英国歌手莫里西（Morrissey）说，“害羞是美好的”。然而，害会让你感到喘不过气来，默不出声，甚至没朋友，害羞绝对不美好。
Shyness often manifests as social anxiety, and as Morrissey sings in his song Ask Me, it can stop you from doing the things you want to do in your life.
害羞常常表现为社交焦虑，正如莫里西在他的那首“Ask Me”中唱的那样，害羞能阻止你做你想做的事情。
After spending more than four decades wrangling with my own shyness, I wrote a book called Shy: A Memoir in which I investigated the causes and symptoms of this inherited personality trait.
在与自己的害羞争斗了四十年之久后，我写了一本名叫《害羞》的书：我在这本回忆录体的书中调查了这种遗传人格特质的原因和症状。
I discovered that shy people often felt anxious about social encounters because they feared other people’s judgment – specifically, their negative evaluation. We torment ourselves with self-critical thoughts such as “I look out of place”, “I sound stupid” and “I’m making a fool of myself”.
我发现，害羞的人经常对社交场合感到焦虑，因为他们害怕别人的判断，尤其害怕别人对他们的负面评价。我们用自我批评的思想折磨自己，比如“看起来我很不正常”，“我的话听起来很蠢”以及“我正在欺骗着自己”。
Our fear can manifest as a bunch of distressing physical symptoms, including sweating, trembling, hyperventilating and blushing. Shy folk feel self-conscious in the company of people they don’t know well and will cross the street to avoid having to speak to acquaintances. In the long term, social anxiety can also mess with the digestive system. All that churning sometimes causes Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS).
我们的恐惧可以表现为一堆痛苦的身体症状，包括出汗，颤抖，呼吸急促，脸红。害羞的人在不熟悉的人的陪伴下会感到不自在，过马路时，他们会避免与熟人交谈。从长远来看，社交焦虑也会影响消化系统。所有这些搅动有时会引起肠易激综合征（IBS）。
The good news is that shy people are often those with the most empathy. We spend a lot of time considering what other people are thinking. Many shy people go into the caring professions, like nursing, teaching and counselling.
好消息是，害羞的人往往是最有同情心的人。像我这样害羞的人，会花很多时间考虑别人的想法。许多害羞的人进入了爱心职业，例如护理、教学和咨询。
So how can we best deal with the downsides of shyness and take advantage of the upsides?
那么，我们怎么才能更好地应对害羞的缺点、利用其好的一面呢？
We used to think shyness was refined. That was before social media
——Ian Jack
我们过去常认为害羞是优雅的。但那是在社交媒体出现之前。
——伊恩·杰克
Based on the research I did for my book, I’ve come up with a list of 10 practical strategies for coping with shyness:
根据我在书中所写的研究，我列出了10种应对害羞的策略：
1) Use self-talk to reduce your discomfort. Remind yourself that 50% of the people around you are probably also feeling shy. You are not alone in dealing with these feelings. Try to separate your mind from your body’s symptoms, eg tell yourself “oh, there go those butterflies in my stomach again, they’ll disappear soon”.
1）用自言自语来减轻你的不适。提醒自己，周围50%的人也可能感到害羞。其他人也同样在处理他们的害羞，你并不孤单。尝试着将你思想与身体的症状分开，比如告诉自己：“哦，肚子里的那些心慌意乱很快就会消失的。”。
2) Plan ahead. Prepare for social events that you feel nervous about. Spend some time trying to remember the names of the people who might be there. Perhaps find “safe” friends who are also going to the event. Use self-talk to remind yourself that you won’t be able to control all aspects of this social interaction. Be prepared to deal with a level of uncertainty.
2）提前计划。为那些你感到紧张的社交活动体验做准备。尝试着花一些时间记住可能出现在那里的人的名字。也许能这些人之中找到“安全”的朋友。和自我交谈来提醒自己，你无法控制社交互动的说有方面。准备好应对一定程度的不确定性。
3) Help others at social events. Try to spot some other shy people and help them out by approaching them. This takes the focus off your own discomfort and gives you a focus to help you take the attention off yourself. Assume the burden of initiating the conversation by asking others questions about themselves.
3）在社交活动中帮助他人。试着找出一些害羞的人，通过接近他们来帮助他们。这会让你远离对自己不适的关注，帮助自己移开关注于自己的注意力。通过询问别人的情况来承担发起谈话的责任。
4) Try exposure therapy. Give yourself regular small challenges in dealing with your shyness, to give yourself confidence (but keep them small to begin with because if you have bad experiences they might reinforce your fears). Then reward yourself for being brave in the face of your anxiety.
4）尝试暴露疗法。给自己定期的小挑战，以处理你的害羞，给自己信心（但要从小处开始，因为如果你有不好的经历，它们可能会重新增强你的恐惧）。然后奖励自己勇敢面对你的焦虑。
5) Organise or join social activities in ways that suit you. It can help to arrange or go along to events that are regular or semi-regular (eg book clubs, clothes swaps, meet-ups, classes, tree-planting) where you know who’ll be there, and there is an activity as the main focus of the event. This gives you something to talk about that you all have in common, as opposed to free-form socialising.
5）以适合您的方式组织或参加社会活动。它可以帮助你安排或参加定期或半正规的活动（例如读书俱乐部、服装交换活动、聚会、课程、植树），这些你知道谁会参加的活动，同时这些活动有一个主要焦点事宜。这样就会给予你谈论大家都从事之事的机会，而不是那些自由的社交活动。
6) Confide your shyness to others rather than hide it. This can have a cathartic effect and reduce your sense of aloneness and/or shame.
6）想别人倾诉你的羞怯，而不是隐藏它。这种具有宣泄的作用的行为，会减少你的孤独和/或羞耻感。
7) Adopt a “persona”. In your professional capacity or your parenting capacity, for example, you can tell yourself that you are not being judged, because you represent something bigger and more important than you (your place of employment, your useful work role, or your role as a carer).
7）接受一个“角色”。在你的专业能力或你的育儿能力，例如，你可以告诉自己，你没有被评判，因为你代表的东西比你更重大更重要，（在你的工作场所，你的工作，是有用的角色，或你你是一个照顾者的角色）。
8) Keep a diary of your journey to manage your shyness/social anxiety. Note your progress and your challenges. Reflect on what you are going through.
8）记下你克服害羞/社交焦虑的心路历程。注意你的进步和挑战。反思你正在经历什么。
9) Use social media to reach out, but be wary of the downsides. Monitor its effect on you and take breaks when you need to. Assess the positives and negatives (eg FOMO).
9）利用社会媒体来实现目标，但要警惕自己走下坡路。监控对你的影响，并且在你需要的时候休息一下。评估积极的和消极的方面（例如，错失恐惧症FOMO）。
10) Try other anxiety management strategies. Consider meditation, yoga, physical exercise, deep breathing and other forms of relaxation therapy. You can also seek professional counselling. Psychologists are trained to help people with social anxiety and can offer cognitive behaviour therapy and reassurance. You could also consider joining an anxiety support group.
10）尝试其他管理焦虑的策略。可以考虑冥想、瑜伽、体育锻炼、深呼吸和其他形式的放松疗法。你也可以寻求专业咨询。训练有素的心理学家可以帮助有社交焦虑的人，并提供认知行为治疗和安慰。您也可以考虑加入焦虑支持小组。
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