六、亲密对孤独
作者: 《童年与社会》 / 1943次阅读 时间: 2020年4月09日
标签: 孤独 亲密
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亲密对孤独 INTIMACY 'D. ISOLATION

The strength acquired at any stage is tested by the necessity to transcend it in such a way that the individual can take chances in the next stage with what was most vulnerably precious in the previous one. Thus, the young adult, emerging from the search for and the insistence on identity, is eager and willing to fuse his identity with that of others. He is ready for intimacy, that is, the capacity to commit himself to concrete affiliations and partnerships and to develop the ethical strength to abide by such commitments, even though they may call for significant sacrifices and compromises. Body and ego must now be masters of the organ modes and of the nuclear conflicts, in order to be able to face the fear of ego loss in situations which call for selfabandon: in the solidarity of close affiliations, in orgasms and Sexual unions, in close friendships and in physical combat, in ""Y1r\pr,'p ,n~I'1': of inspiration by teacht:rs and of intuition from the re(;e~:,e::; of the self. The avoidance of such experiences because of a fear of ego-loss may lead to a deep sense of isolation and consequent self-absorption.

在任何阶段获得的力量都会受到超越其自身的必要性的考验,以便个体可以在下一个阶段继续带着在前一个阶段获得的力量去冒险。因此,那些刚刚获得同一性的年轻人渴望并决定让自己的同一性同其他人的同一性产生共鸣。他为亲密接触做好了准备,即他准备好了与他人建立某种具体的依附关系和伙伴关系,并发展出遵守承诺的道德力量,尽管这可能意味着需要做出重大的牺牲和妥协。身体和自我现在必须成为器官模式和核心冲突的主人,从而使得个体能够在引发自暴自弃的情境——在亲密联盟中,在性高潮和性行为的联合中,在亲密的友谊以及身体对抗中,在关于深受老师启发和灵感从自我中迸发的经验中——中面对自我受损的恐惧。这种因为恐惧失去自我而逃避的经验,可能导致深切的孤独感和情感内投。

The counterpart of intimacy is distantiation: the readiness to isolate and, if necessary, to destroy those forces and people whose essence seems dangerous to one's own, and whose "territory" seems to encroach on the extent of one's intimate relations. Prejudices thus developed (and utilized and exploited in politics and in war) are a more mature outgrowth of the blinder repudiations which during the struggle for identity differentiate sharply and cruelly between the familiar and the foreign, The danger of this stage is that intimate, competitive, and combative relations are experienced with and against the selfsame people, But as the areas of adult duty are delineated, and as  the competitive encounter, and the sexual embrace, are differentiate, they eventually become subject to that ethical sense which is the mark of the adult,

与亲密接触相对的是拉开距离,即为孤立以及在必要情况下毁掉那些可能对个体造成威胁或者侵犯个体的亲密关系领域的力量和人做好准备。由此发展起来(并被政治和战争所利用)的偏见是盲目否认(在同一性斗争中严格划清了熟悉与陌生之间的界线)的结果。这一阶段的危险性是个体会既亲近又对抗这种亲密的、富有竞争性的关系。由于成年人的责任领域已经明晰,富有竞争性的对抗以及富有性意味的亲近也得到了区分,它们最终成了道德感的一部分,这也是成年人的标志。

Strictly speaking, it is only now that true genitali{y can fully develop; for much of the sex life preceding these commitmentsis of the identity-searching kind, or is dominated by phallic or vaginal strivings which make of sex-life a kind of genital combat. On the other hand, genitality is all too often described as a permanent state of reciprocal sexual bliss. This, then, may be the place to complete our discussion of genitality.

严格来说,只有真正的生殖力可以得到完全发展。在承诺之后出现的性生活是一种同一性探索,受阴茎或阴道——使得性生活成为一种生殖力之间的战斗——控制。从另一方面来说,生殖性经常被描述为一种性爱互惠的永恒状态。接下来的部分也许该完成我们关于生殖力的讨论了。

For a basic orientation in the matter I shall quote what has come to me as Freud's shortest saying. It has often been claimed, and bad habits of conversation seem to sustain the claim, that psychoanalysis as a treatment attempts to convince the patient that before God and man he has only one obligation: to have good orgasms, with a fitting 'object', and that regularly. This, of course, is not true. Freud was once asked what he thought a normal person should be able to do well. The questioner probably expected a complicated answer. But Freud, in the curt way of his old days, is reported to have said: 'Liehen una arheiten' (to love and to work). It pays to ponder on this simple formula; it gets deeper as you think about it. For when Freud said 'love' he meant genita/love, and genital/ove; when he said love and work, he meant a general work-productiveness which would not preoccupy the individual to the extent that he loses his right or capacity to be a genital and a loving being. Thus we may ponder, but we cannot improve on, 'the professor's' formula.

有人认为,作为一种治疗尝试,精神分析试图说服患者,在神与人之前他只有一个义务:有规律地和恰当的“对象”产生性高潮。这当然不是真的。弗洛伊德曾经被问到,他认为一个正常人应该如何做好事情。提问者很可能期待一个复杂难懂的答案。但是弗洛伊德以他昔日那简单粗暴的方式说道:“去爱与工作。”我们必须认真地思考这个简单的回答。当你深入思考时,你会发现更多。当弗洛伊德谈到“爱”,他所指的是对生殖器的喜爱,以及用生殖器做爱。当他说到爱与工作,他指的是一种生殖性的工作生产力(work-productiveness),这种工作生产力不会让个体丧失作为有生殖力和有爱的存在的权利和能力。因此我们会思考,但我们无法进一步完善弗洛伊德的回答。

Genitality, then, consists in the unobstructed capacity to develop an orgastic potency so free of pregenital interference that genital libido (not just the sex products discharged in Kinsey's 'oudets') is expressed in heterosexual mutality, with full sensitivity of both penis and vagina, and with a convulsionlike discharge of tension from the whole body. This is a rather concrete way of saying something about a process which we really do not understand. To put it more situationally: the total fact of finding, via the climactic turmoil of the orgasm, a supreme experience of the mutual regulation of two beings in some way takes the edge off the hostilities and potential rages caused by the oppositeness of male and female, of fact and fancy, of love and hate. Satisfactory sex relations thus make sex less obsessive, overcompensation less necessary, sadistic controls superfluous.

生殖性存在于制造性高潮——摆脱前生殖器阶段对于生殖性欲的抑制,以致生殖力比多在个体与异性的亲密接触中得到表达,阴茎和阴道得到刺激,整个身体的压力得到释放——的能力中。这是一种描述一个我们不太明白的过程的相当具体的方法。通过性高潮时身体的混乱,一种关于二人以某种方式相互调节的极致体验,减弱了由男女之间、事实与想象之间、爱与恨之间的对立引发的某些敌意和潜在愤怒。令人满意的性关系让个体摆脱了受性欲所困的处境,使得过度补偿不再那么必要,让虐待性的控制显得多余。

Preoccupied as it was with curative aspects, psychoanalysis often failed to formulate the matter of genitality in a way significant for the processes of society in an classes, nations, and levels of culture. The kind of mutuality in orgasm whichpsychoanalysis has in mind is apparently easily obtained in classes and cultures which happen to make a leisurely institution of it. In more complex societies this mutuality is interfered with by so many factors of health, of opportunity, and of temperament, that the proper formulation of sexual health would be rather this: a human being should be potentially able to accomplish mutuality of genital orgasm, but he should also be so constituted as to bear a certain amount of frustration in the matter without undue regression wherever emotional preference or considerations of duty and loyalty call for it.

由于它的治疗方面受到过度关注,精神分析常常未能以一种对于社会历程在所有阶层、民族以及文化水平上都具有重大意义的方式明确表达生殖性的内容。这种精神分析所考虑的性高潮意义上的相互关系很容易在某些为它建立起一种制度的阶层和文化中获得。在更复杂的社会里,这种相互关系会被各种因素所干扰,比如健康、传统、机遇、性格等。个体要有潜在的能力去达到性高潮的相互关系,同时要承受大量沮丧,且不致发生退行。

While psychoanalysis has on occasion gone too far in its emphasis on genitality as a universal cure for society and has thus provided a new addiction and a new commodity for many who wished to so interpret its teachings, it has not always indicated all the goals that genitality actually should and must imply. In order to be of lasting social significance, the Utopia of genitality should include:

精神分析偶尔会过分强调生殖力是社会的一剂万能药,由此为许多人提供一种新的成瘾物和商品。然而,生殖力并不总能显示出它应该且必须具备的所有目的。为了具备永恒的社会意义,生殖力的理想国应当包括:

(1)性高潮的相互关系 mutuality of orgasm;

(2)和相爱的伴侣一起 with a loved partner;

(3)和另一性 of the other sex;

(4)希望并能够同对方相互信任 with whom one is able and willing to share a mutual trust;

(5)希望并能够同对方一起调节 and with whom one is able and willing to regulate the cycles of:

    ①工作work;

    ②生育procreation;

    ③娱乐recreation;

(6)为了使子孙安全,所有阶段必须实现令人满意的发展so as to secure to the offspring, too, all the stages of a satisfactory development.。

It is apparent that such Utopian accomplishment on a large Scale cannot be an individual or, indeed, a therapeutic task. Nor is it a purely sexual matter by any means. It is integral to a culture's style of sexual selection, cooperation, and competition.

显然,这一理想国不可能是一项个人性或者治疗性的任务,也绝不是一个纯粹的关于性的问题。它对于一种文化的性别选择、合作及竞争风格来说是必需的。

The danger of this stage is isolation, that is, the avoidance ofttonta,cts which commit to intimacy. In psychopathology, thisdisturbance can lead to severe 'character-problems'. On theother hand, there are partnerships which amount to an isolationdeux, protecting both partners from the necessity to face thenext critical development - that of generativity.

这一阶段的危险是孤独,即避免带来亲密感的接触。在精神病理学中,这可能导致严重的“性格问题”。然而,孤独者也会与他人建立一种类似于男女双方的亲密关系的合作关系,这种关系能够保护合作的二人不必面对下一阶段的任务。

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TAG: 孤独 亲密
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