作者: 《依恋创伤与修复》 / 4304次阅读 时间: 2021年10月17日
标签: 回避型依恋

J*C)k6N1]$yjK0Caregiver Core Sensitivities with a Child Who Has an Avoidant Attachment

i7d-_ah'U/wt Z'f$q0心理学空间9L mG B%Z7@1j5[.^


,U? zc~gbO0The caregiver of an insecure avoidant child encourages independence at the cost of close physical and emotional contact. In the AAI these caregivers are considered “dismissing” of attachment needs on the bottom of the Circle, as stated earlier. They tend to be uncomfortable with direct emotional communication and appear uneasy with the expression of need. Over time, the child of such a parent learns to inhibit direct expression of wants or needs for the caregiver.

,D lQRC7E0

c Veh;C%A2p)o0不安全回避型儿童的养育者以身体及情感的亲密交流为代价,鼓励孩子的独立性。如前所述,在AAI中,这些养育者被认为“无视”了圆环底部的依恋需要。他们往往不喜欢直接的情感交流,而且对于需要的表达会表现出不安。时间一长,这类家长的孩子就学会了抑制自己直接表达对养育者的渴望或需要。

A%Z-~^FN(X }4N0

uRlID"I"Y0Hence it is not surprising that typically in the Strange Situation such a child shows little distress when the parent is absent, tends to turn away from the parent upon reunion, and has a relationship strategy intended to not rock the emotional boat. As attachment theorists explain, such a child expects his  attachment needs to be dismissed. To avoid the pain of rejection associated with cuing needs on the bottom of the Circle, this child begins to build a pattern of creating distance and prioritizing exploration and/or achievement, which, not coincidentally, is what the child’s parent emphasizes. Parents who emphasize achievement and exploration are often esteem sensitive and are usually comfortable on the top half while being dismissing of bottom-half opportunities.心理学空间E!N-}-G D

^v l$y#PA G%A0心理学空间@1}Y{5e~ X

心理学空间 ?)y'o1XO3]+nIhH

因此,下面这些就不足为奇了:在陌生情境实验中,这样的孩子在家长不在时一般不会表现出什么痛苦,在团聚中会倾向于远离家长,他们关系策略的目的是不要晃动情感的小船。心理学空间l*[/rs.@ o,W{

8O A1Q"`2dg{l0就像依恋理论学家解释的那样,这样的孩子会预期到自己的依恋需要被无视。为了避免发出在圆环底部有需要而被拒绝的痛苦,这个孩子开始建立一种模式,创造距离并优先考虑探索及/或成就,而这并非巧合,正是家长所强调的东西。




!M8W ST iH!T0心理学空间 C WBq,xH\ \8_
心理学空间 K9f.v bs0E?:v~&C @0U

_^3A:L Kr4HGZH tJv0Safety-sensitive parents are also dismissing of closeness and promote self-sufficiency in their child. They do this not because their self-esteem depends on achievement, but rather because they choose to have a certain emotional distance in the relationship as a way to protect the self from being engulfed or controlled. Because closeness to another person was not experienced as safe, a working model of relationship was established that systematically sacrificed intimacy to maintain distance. In its place, this person learned to prioritize self-sufficiency. As caregivers, even though they are genuinely interested in relationship, these adults tend to be very careful about showing it and remain vigilant concerning the intensity of the child’s need for direct connection. An underlying fear of being emotionally smothered and a sense of being imprisoned by the child’s needs remain salient themes in the caregiving relationship.心理学空间:TV*SM+B

KXYK8lq6S,E!q%o0安全敏感的家长也会忽略亲密而促进孩子的自给自足。他们这样做不是因为他们的自尊取决于成就,而是因为他们选择在关系中保持一定的情感距离,以此作为保护自体不被吞没或控制的一种方式。心理学空间-Q%j0U6LhTZ igo7A)r

ne.@J%xE _]U-J0因为与他人亲密的体验是不安全的,所以一种为了保持距离而有系统地牺牲亲密关系的工作模型便建立了起来。心理学空间G+B!@8c+M6B

心理学空间 _T&b6n A5H%w

相应地,这个人便学会了优先考虑自给自足。作为养育者,尽管他们对关系真的很感兴趣,但是这些成人往往在表现这种兴趣时非常谨慎,并且在涉及孩子对直接联结的需要强度时保持警觉。对情感上被窒息的潜在恐惧以及被孩子的需要所监禁的感觉,这两者仍然是养育关系中的突出主题。心理学空间+r bke0V%\nSU3E}

HSG})_`0Sometimes we see a separation-sensitive parent foster an avoidant attachment with her child. In this case the parent promotes clinging behavior on the top of the Circle—for example, micromanaging the child’s exploration—not to boost the child’s achievement but so the child won’t go too far away. This parent is not trying to support the child’s exploration but is focused on the top of the Circle for the purpose of closeness. This parent also rejects or avoids the child’s needs on the bottom of the Circle because they trigger painful memories and feelings. The autonomous selfregulation required to manage and ultimately put aside her own feelings so she can soothe her child is filled with shark music, so this mother distracts her child with toys. The separation-sensitive parent’s need to be needed can be intrusive enough that the child learns to be avoidant to cope. This behavior can be particularly difficult for the separation-sensitive parent as it creates a relationship in which the parent feels abandoned, now having created her own worst nightmare.心理学空间SB]$r.pT

心理学空间C y#[d9n!`


8p3HT(OYx(?0心理学空间%Z5r*t I-\ X


8M [WV$z)vJ k0心理学空间{y!UHo:l1a$S


1]f7MQ*T xo#`h0www.psychspace.com心理学空间网
TAG: 回避型依恋
«回避型依恋风格记忆加工的认知—情绪特点 回避型依恋 Avoidant Attachment
《回避型依恋 Avoidant Attachment》