6.结语
就我个人的体验来说，处理投射性认同的感觉就像托尔金的《指环王》里描述的那种深入黑暗心脏的最深处的冒险，你随时会感到威胁、痛苦、沮丧、无力，自我就像秋后的草絮，一不留神就容易消失在无边的黑漆漆的山谷。躲避危险的唯一方式就是进一步的贴近危险，就像《指环王》里的主人公，必须带上邪恶的指环，才能在敌人面前隐身。
很难说究竟那个指环是邪恶的，还是人性本性是邪恶的？很难说究竟是指环诱发了人性的恶毒，还是人性的恶毒铸就了指环？
就像我们很难指出在投射性认同中究竟是哪一方先开始这场轮回的游戏一样。
我们也很难说精神分析的理论家们所说婴儿的投射性认同究竟是他们自己的投射，还是果真有其事。
也许，投射性认同这个概念的意义就在于它把指头伸向了混沌无序的人际关系，而不在于它是如何来界定、阐明这种关系的实质的。
1984年，在耶路撒冷希伯来大学的弗洛伊德中心，召开了一次研讨会。可以算是精神分析界的峰会，参与讨论的人物有 Joseph Sandler , W. W. Meissner, Betty Joseph, Otto F. Kernberg等人。
在会中迈斯讷先生首先发难，他认为投射性认同本质上是循环反复的投射和内投射，这个定义应该回到克莱因本来的定义上，用这个术语来描述精神病心理过程的内在的防御机制，投射进入的不是真实客体，而是客体表象。他和当时的很多人进行了争辩，他发现很多人提出来的案例中，其实只存在两个人之间的投射和内射，没有认同的过程。(Sandler,1986p. 64)
其实，从严格的定义来说，投射性认同的确存在这样的问题。即在没有准确定义投射和认同的时候就发明了这个术语。
肯伯格则有不同的意见，他认为，投射和投射性认同还是不同的，他认为在投射性认同中个体还是维持了与被投射的部分的共情（empathy），并且能够诱发客体的相应的内在体验。而在投射中，对被投射的部分出现了批判的态度，而且并不会引起诱发客体的压力感。(Sandler,1986，Rosenblatt, 1991)
他和桑德勒都不同意奥格登和比昂的观点，即认为投射性认同中，接受投射者一定会修正投射过来的内容，然后被投射者再次内化。
肯伯格和很多克莱因学派的治疗师一样认为，投射性认同更多是一种幻想。
对肯伯格来说，投射性认同发生在投射者内部，他通过和他投射的客体共情，认同了他投射到客体身上的不想要的部分。
可是在这一点上，桑德勒和肯伯格又发生了不同，退出了他们那短暂的联合阵线。桑德勒认为投射性认同中认同的过程是发生在客体身上的。
接着桑德勒和Joseph又发生了争执。Joseph支持投射性认同是在建立自体和客体界限中的一个重要的防御机制。而桑德勒不同意，他认为建立自体-客体界限需要成功的投射性认同，但是在精神病的状态中，过强的投射性认同其实是让界限更加模糊。
由此可见，其实投射性认同在精神分析界中是缺乏一个统一的、公认的概念标准的。
对此有一个最简单的处理方法——使用奥康的剃刀。
至于说到对投射性认同的认同的处理，这倒是精神分析一个大的转变。古典主义的阳刚之气（解释、沉默、阴茎）被温情而阴柔的母亲的情怀（接纳、抱持、关爱）替代。分析室的空气中开始弥漫着“情侣的味道”。
对这种含蓄的氛围，罗兰·巴特的描述是比较恰当的——
“其实也没有什么大喜大悲，好端端便会失魂落魄。
感到沉醉，飘飘悠悠，身如轻云。
我不时轻轻触动、抚弄、试探一些念头
（就像用脚伸入水中试探一样），
怎么也排遣不开。
又没有什么大不了的事。
这便是地地道道的柔情。”
(罗兰·巴特，2004，P2)
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罗兰·巴特著，汪耀进 武佩荣译，2004 ，《恋人絮语—— 一个解构主义的文本》，上海人民出版社，第一版
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