DISARMING THE NARCISSIST: SURVIVING AND THRIVING WITH THE SELF-ABSORBED
作者: Wendy Behary / 9800次阅读 时间: 2010年11月20日
来源: New Harbinger Publications 标签: NARCISSIST 图式治疗 自恋
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Preface 前言 (mints翻译)

If you are in a relationship with someone who exhibits the traits of a narcissistic individual, don’t think twice before you enter this book. In Disarming the Narcissist, Wendy Behary offers a practical tool kit that gives us insights into how we can manage the emotional challenges of relating to someone who does not relate to us: the narcissistic individual.

如果你身边的某些人的自恋特质扑面而来,在阅读本书之前请不要迟疑。在《解除自恋》这本书之中,温迪·碧海芮提供了一个实用的工具,让我们了解我们如何管理那些与我们无关的自恋个体相关的情绪的挑战。

This gem of a how-to survival guide is filled with useful tips informed by two branches of science: the cognitive science view of how the mind is organized around schemas and my own field—interpersonal neurobiology. Schemas are generalized filters that bias our perceptions and alter our thinking. For two decades, the author has immersed herself in schema therapy and treatment of those with narcissism as their major issue in psychotherapy. Using this science background and her practical experience as a therapist, Wendy Behary walks us through easy-to-understand explanations of how the mind of a narcissist works. We come to see the schemas that organize how a narcissist sees the world, and how that perspective is often devoid of interest in the internal world of others.

这本生存指南的宝石的指引,通过两个科学的分支,充满了有用的提示信息,这两个分支是,心智是如何围绕着图式组织的认识科学的观点,以及我自己的研究领域——人际神经生物学。图式是我们知觉的偏差和改变我们的思维的过滤器。二十年来,作者让自己沉浸在自恋者的图式治疗和疗愈那些在治疗中自恋作为主要问题和患者之中。使用这种科学背景以及作为一个治疗师的她的实践经验,温迪·碧海芮通过易于理解的解释让我们明白了自恋者是如何工作的。让我看看,自恋者的图式组织是如何看待世界的,以及对别人的内在世界缺乏兴趣的看法是怎样的。

Interpersonal neurobiology examines the connections among relationships, the mind, and the brain. Our professor of how-to-get-along-with-a-narcissist, Wendy Behary, has been studying this field intensively with me for many years, and she has deftly applied it to her own area of expertise in dealing with these individuals who lack the knack of empathy. The circuits in the brain that enable us to imagine the internal subjective experience—the mind—of another person may not be well developed or easily accessed in the narcissist. Mindsight is our capacity to see the mind itself, in ourselves and in others, and in narcissists it is often poorly developed. Therefore, relationships with such an individual will feel lopsided: conversations and interactions are all about the other person, not about you or the two of you as a “we.”

人际神经生物学研究人际关系之中心灵和大脑的连接。我们的“如何与自恋者相处”的温迪·碧海芮教授,密集的与我在这一领域工作了许多年,同时,她将其巧妙地应用到自己与那些对同理心不开窍的个体的专业领域之中。在让我们能够想象他人的心智的内在的主观经验的大脑回路之中,在自恋者的心智之中,可能是没有很好的发展或容易接近的。第七感是我们在我们自己和他人之中看到心智本身的能力,在自恋者之中,第七感往往是不发达的。因此,会觉得,与这样的人的关系,就像是与另外一个人的交流与互动,而不是关于你或作为“我们”的你的两个人的交流与互动。

This lack of empathy in a relationship affects the social circuits of the brain that help create an integrated sense of balance and well-being. Such an imbalance can make you feel isolated and alone. Your mind may become incoherent and your usual sense of vitality drained. The reaction to such feelings can depend on your own makeup: You may become angry and frustrated, or sullen and withdrawn. Or you may find yourself feeling ashamed, as if you have done something wrong and deserve such an experience of being ignored. In these and other common responses, the relationship with a narcissistic individual creates a cascade of neural reactions that are far from the mental well-being associated with coherence of mind and empathy and compassion in relationships. This is a form of stress that you deserve to reduce in your life, even if you cannot change the other person. The knowledge embedded in the pages of this book can serve as a powerful means to help you deal with this stress through insight and information. If you’re in any sort of close relationship with a narcissist, you may be in dire need of new ways to understand the situation and respond—for the sake of the health of your mind, your brain, and your relationships.

这种缺乏同情心的关系会影响大脑帮助创造一个整合的平衡感和幸福感的社会回路。这种不平衡会让你感到孤立和孤独。你的心智可能变得支离破碎,你通常会感到活力耗尽。对这种感受的反应可取决于你自己的扮相:你会变得愤怒和沮丧,或沉默寡言与孤僻离群。或者你会发现自己感到羞愧,好像你做错了什么,而且会觉得自己活该有这种被忽视的经验。在如此那般的反应中,和自恋个体的关系引起了一连串的神经反应,这些反应在关系中远离了与连贯的心智、共情和悲悯相联系的精神上的幸福。这是一种在生活中你应该弱化的压力的形式,即使你不能改变另一个人。在这本书的每一页中嵌入的知识可以作为一个强大的手段来帮助你通过洞察力和信息处理这个压力。如果你处在与自恋者的任何的亲密关系之中,你可能渴望需要新的方法来来了解情景并作出反应——为了你的心智、大脑和你的关系的健康。

Fortunately, the advice in this book will guide you through the challenges of both surviving and optimizing a relationship with someone who initially has so little to give, but who often takes so much. At the very least, this guide will help you understand the mechanisms of mind and brain that are at work in your relationship. This alone will help a great deal. But even more, the suggestions here offer the hope of change. With these science-based practical ideas, you may actually open the door to a new way of being—both for you and for the narcissist in your life. Taking the time to dive into these pages and work with the ideas presented will be worth its weight in gold. If relating to a narcissist presents challenges in your life, why not start now? Turn the page and start to learn how you can improve your life.

幸运的是,本书中的建议将引导你与那些最初给予很少但又索取很多的那些人,完成生存的挑战和关系的优化。至少,这本指南将帮助你了解在你的关系中工作中的大脑和大脑的机制。仅这一点就会帮助很大,但更多的是,这里的建议提供了改变的希望。这些基于科学的实践观点,你可以打开一个新的存在方式之门——不仅对于您,而且有利于在你生活中的自恋者。花时间钻研这些页面的文字以及研究中呈现的观点,将会是非常有价值的。如果在你的生活中有着与一个自恋者相关的挑战,为什么不从现在开始呢?翻开这本书,并且开始学习你如何可以改善你的生活。

—Daniel J. Siegel, MD  丹尼尔•西格尔

Author of Mindsight, The Mindful Brain, and The Developing Mind and coauthor of The Whole-Brain Child and Parenting from the Inside Out

Clinical Professor of Psychiatry, UCLA School of Medicine

www.psychspace.com心理学空间网
TAG: NARCISSIST 图式治疗 自恋
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