共情:一种未被欣赏的存在
作者: 罗杰斯 / 14449次阅读 时间: 2013年6月18日
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Here, too, we see how this unverbalized visceral flow is used as a referent. How does she know that "guilt" is not the word to describe her feeling? By turning within, taking another look at this reality, this palpable process which is taking place, this experiencing. And so she can test the word "hurt" against this referent and finds it closer. Only when she tries on the phrase, "Oh you poor thing," does it really fit the inner felt meaning of compassion and sorrow for herself. In my judgment she has not only used this aspect of her experiencing as a referent, but has learned something about this process of checking with her total physiological being--a learning she can apply again and again. And empathy has helped to make it possible.

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'w&~3[ qJ d{0这里我们也可以看见,非语言的内在流动是如何作为指示物被使用的。她是怎么知道“内疚”不是她想表达的情感?通过观察内心感受,采取另一种方式去看待这个事实,这个明显的正在发生的过程,这个体验。然后,她借机试着使用“受伤”这个词,发现它更贴近自己的实际感受。当她尝试使用“哦,真是可怜”,这确实适合她对自己那种怜悯、悲伤的内心感受。在我看来,她不仅用自己的这部分体验作为指导,还学会了检查自己整个生理状况的过程——这一技能可以一遍又一遍使用。治疗师的共情使这个过程成为可能。 

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We can also find in this slice of therapy what it means to let an experiencing run its course. This is clearly not a new feeling. She has often felt it before, yet it has never been lived out. It has been blocked in some way. I am quite clear as to the reality and vividness of the unblocking which follows, because I have many times been a party to its occurrence, but I am not sure how it may best be described. It seems to me that only when a gut level experience is fully accepted, and accurately labeled in awareness, can it be completed. Then the person can move beyond it. Again it is a sensitively empathic climate which helps to move the experiencing forward to its conclusion, which in this case is the uninhibited experiencing of the pity she feels for herself. 心理学空间x"QH8h%Uo i

%[1Q2F:C|-Dx1C {"O0我们也可以在这个治疗的片段中看到,让一个体验顺其自然意味着什么。很明显这不是一种新的感受。她以前也会经常感受到,但一直没有表达出来。它在某种方式下被阻塞了。接下来的疏通过程的现实性和生动性,我相当地清楚,因为我曾经切身经历过这个过程很多次,但我现在还是不能找到最准确的语言来描述它。对我来讲,好像是当直觉层面的体验完全被接纳,并且在意识层面里有了准确的标签时,这个过程才得以完成。然后,这个人才能实现超越。一种敏感的共情气氛会帮助他完成这个过程,而在这个例子中,则是会帮助她解决她对自己的怜悯的感觉。心理学空间XUF+H ^X{G

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Conclusions

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wFR%xa8\6| Tl0I wish now to back off and give a rather different perspective on the significance of empathy. We can say that when a person finds himself sensitively and accurately understood, he develops a set of growth-promoting or therapeutic attitudes toward himself. Let me explain. (1) The non- evaluative and acceptant quality of the empathic climate enables him, as we have seen, to take a prizing, caring attitude toward himself. (2) Being listened to by an understanding person makes it possible for him to listen more accurately to himself, with greater empathy toward his own visceral experiencing, his own vaguely felt meanings. But (3) his greater understanding of, and prizing of, himself opens up to him new facets of experience which become a part of a more accurately based self. His self is now more congruent with his experiencing. Thus he has become, in his attitudes toward himself, more caring and acceptant, more empathic and understanding, more real and congruent. But these three elements are the very ones which both experience and research indicate are the attitudes of an effective therapist. So we are perhaps not overstating the total picture if we say that an empathic understanding by another has enabled the person to become a more effective growth enhancer, a more effective therapist, for himself. 心理学空间'P~leJg"A,k/F

A,|&{Z c}T?4`?z0我希望现在可以往回退一步,从另一个不同的视角去看共情的重要性。我们可以说,当一个人发现他自己可以被别人敏感而准确地理解时,他也会对自己发展出一套自我成长或者自我疗愈的态度。让我解释一下:(1) 如我们所见,共情的氛围中一种不评判的和接纳的特性鼓励他也采取一种珍惜而在意的态度对待他自己;(2)被一个可以理解他的人倾听,会使他也可能更准确的倾听他自己,带着更大的共情去对待他自身内在的经验、他自己模糊的感受。但是(3) 他对于自身的这种更大的理解和珍视,为他打开了新的经验面向,这些面向成为了他自性中更为精确的基础的一部分(成为他更精确地立足自我的一部分?)。他的自性(罗杰斯这里可译为“自我”,荣格心理学里更多讲“自性”),现在与他的经验更为一致。这样,他对待自己的态度,也变得更懂得关心和更接纳,更有共情心和理解力,也更真实和一致。但是,正如实验和研究都指出的那样,这三个要素恰恰是一个有效的治疗师所应具备的态度。所以,如果我们说,被他人共情的理解能促使一个人成为一个更有效的自我成长者,一个对他自己来说更有效的治疗师,大概我们没有夸大这个宏观的图景。心理学空间3`V0E|#Pj*@

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Consequently, whether we are functioning as therapists, as encounter group facilitators, as teachers or as parents, we have in our hands, if we are able to take an empathic stance, a powerful force for change and growth. Its strength needs to be appreciated. 心理学空间6] j0SS#caZKY

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因此,我们是否可以作为治疗师、会心团体带领者、老师或父母发挥作用,其实掌握在我们自己的手中,如果我们可以采取一种共情的态度、一种强有力的驱动力量来促使改变和成长,我们就可以做到。这种共情的力量需要被欣赏。心理学空间%DifN'?#N|

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&SLxt8t5G2Y$i|U0Finally, I want to put all that I have said into a larger context. Because I have been speaking only of the empathic process, it may seem that I regard it as the only important factor in growthful relationships. I would not wish to leave that impression. I would like briefly to state my views as to the significance of what I see as the three attitudinal elements making for growth, in their relationship to one another.

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最后,我想把所有我谈到的放入一个更广泛的背景中。因为上文我只论述了共情的过程,可能有人觉得,我只将共情视为良好关系中唯一重要的因素。我不希望给读者留下这个印象。我希望简单地陈述我的观点,我认为在人们与他人的关系中,三个促进成长的态度元素都非常重要。 

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In the ordinary interactions of life--between marital and sex partners, between teacher and student, employer and employee, or between colleagues, it is probable that congruence is the most important element. Such genuineness involves letting the other person know "where you are" emotionally. It may involve confrontation, and the personally owned and straightforward expression of both negative and positive feelings. Thus congruence is a basis for living together in a climate of realness. 心理学空间W]d.I_*H$n:P

"TBf m c-b8r.N"Z N0在日常的互动中--婚姻和性伴侣之间,师生之间,老板与下属之间,同事之间,一致性很可能是最重要的元素。这样真挚的互动涉及了让他人知道在情绪上“你身处何处”。这可能包括面对、私人化拥有和直接表达积极和消极的情绪。 因此,一致性是在真实气氛中一起生活的基础。 心理学空间'REm4|0e&g.IBK2B

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But in certain other special situations, caring or prizing may turn out to be the most significant. Such situations include non-verbal relationships parent and infant, therapist and mute psychotic, physician and very ill patient. Caring is an attitude which is known to foster creativity--a nurturing climate in which delicate, tentative new thoughts and productive processes can emerge. Then, in my experience, there are other situations in which the empathic way of being has the highest priority. When the other person is hurting, confused, troubled, anxious, alienated, terrified; or when he or she is doubtful of self-worth, uncertain as to identity, then understanding is called for. The gentle and sensitive companionship of an empathic stance - accompanied of course by the other two attitudes - provides illumination and healing. In such situations deep understanding is, I believe, the most precious gift one can give to another.

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但是在某些其他特定情形下,关怀和奖励可能被证实为最有效的。这样的情形包括:父母与婴儿、治疗师和封闭的精神病患者、医生和重症病人之间的非语言关系。关怀是众所周知的一种培养创造力的态度——一种助长性的氛围,其中会出现微妙的试验性新思想和富于成效的进展。然后,在我的经验里,在有些情况下,共情的存在方式有最高优先级。当另一个人受伤、困惑、混乱、焦虑、被疏远、受惊吓的时候;或者当他或她怀疑自我价值,不确定身份,那么我们便要呼唤理解。在移情共情的立场上温柔而敏感的陪伴——当然要带着另外这两种态度——提供了阐释和疗愈。我认为在这样的情形下,深深的理解是一个人可以给予另一个人的最珍贵礼物。心理学空间0o.W0t [2v i S

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