作者: 罗杰斯 / 15722次阅读 时间: 2013年6月18日

Here, too, we see how this unverbalized visceral flow is used as a referent. How does she know that "guilt" is not the word to describe her feeling? By turning within, taking another look at this reality, this palpable process which is taking place, this experiencing. And so she can test the word "hurt" against this referent and finds it closer. Only when she tries on the phrase, "Oh you poor thing," does it really fit the inner felt meaning of compassion and sorrow for herself. In my judgment she has not only used this aspect of her experiencing as a referent, but has learned something about this process of checking with her total physiological being--a learning she can apply again and again. And empathy has helped to make it possible.


We can also find in this slice of therapy what it means to let an experiencing run its course. This is clearly not a new feeling. She has often felt it before, yet it has never been lived out. It has been blocked in some way. I am quite clear as to the reality and vividness of the unblocking which follows, because I have many times been a party to its occurrence, but I am not sure how it may best be described. It seems to me that only when a gut level experience is fully accepted, and accurately labeled in awareness, can it be completed. Then the person can move beyond it. Again it is a sensitively empathic climate which helps to move the experiencing forward to its conclusion, which in this case is the uninhibited experiencing of the pity she feels for herself.




I wish now to back off and give a rather different perspective on the significance of empathy. We can say that when a person finds himself sensitively and accurately understood, he develops a set of growth-promoting or therapeutic attitudes toward himself. Let me explain. (1) The non- evaluative and acceptant quality of the empathic climate enables him, as we have seen, to take a prizing, caring attitude toward himself. (2) Being listened to by an understanding person makes it possible for him to listen more accurately to himself, with greater empathy toward his own visceral experiencing, his own vaguely felt meanings. But (3) his greater understanding of, and prizing of, himself opens up to him new facets of experience which become a part of a more accurately based self. His self is now more congruent with his experiencing. Thus he has become, in his attitudes toward himself, more caring and acceptant, more empathic and understanding, more real and congruent. But these three elements are the very ones which both experience and research indicate are the attitudes of an effective therapist. So we are perhaps not overstating the total picture if we say that an empathic understanding by another has enabled the person to become a more effective growth enhancer, a more effective therapist, for himself.

我希望现在可以往回退一步,从另一个不同的视角去看共情的重要性。我们可以说,当一个人发现他自己可以被别人敏感而准确地理解时,他也会对自己发展出一套自我成长或者自我疗愈的态度。让我解释一下:(1) 如我们所见,共情的氛围中一种不评判的和接纳的特性鼓励他也采取一种珍惜而在意的态度对待他自己;(2)被一个可以理解他的人倾听,会使他也可能更准确的倾听他自己,带着更大的共情去对待他自身内在的经验、他自己模糊的感受。但是(3) 他对于自身的这种更大的理解和珍视,为他打开了新的经验面向,这些面向成为了他自性中更为精确的基础的一部分(成为他更精确地立足自我的一部分?)。他的自性(罗杰斯这里可译为“自我”,荣格心理学里更多讲“自性”),现在与他的经验更为一致。这样,他对待自己的态度,也变得更懂得关心和更接纳,更有共情心和理解力,也更真实和一致。但是,正如实验和研究都指出的那样,这三个要素恰恰是一个有效的治疗师所应具备的态度。所以,如果我们说,被他人共情的理解能促使一个人成为一个更有效的自我成长者,一个对他自己来说更有效的治疗师,大概我们没有夸大这个宏观的图景。

Consequently, whether we are functioning as therapists, as encounter group facilitators, as teachers or as parents, we have in our hands, if we are able to take an empathic stance, a powerful force for change and growth. Its strength needs to be appreciated.


Finally, I want to put all that I have said into a larger context. Because I have been speaking only of the empathic process, it may seem that I regard it as the only important factor in growthful relationships. I would not wish to leave that impression. I would like briefly to state my views as to the significance of what I see as the three attitudinal elements making for growth, in their relationship to one another.


In the ordinary interactions of life--between marital and sex partners, between teacher and student, employer and employee, or between colleagues, it is probable that congruence is the most important element. Such genuineness involves letting the other person know "where you are" emotionally. It may involve confrontation, and the personally owned and straightforward expression of both negative and positive feelings. Thus congruence is a basis for living together in a climate of realness.

在日常的互动中--婚姻和性伴侣之间,师生之间,老板与下属之间,同事之间,一致性很可能是最重要的元素。这样真挚的互动涉及了让他人知道在情绪上“你身处何处”。这可能包括面对、私人化拥有和直接表达积极和消极的情绪。 因此,一致性是在真实气氛中一起生活的基础。

But in certain other special situations, caring or prizing may turn out to be the most significant. Such situations include non-verbal relationships parent and infant, therapist and mute psychotic, physician and very ill patient. Caring is an attitude which is known to foster creativity--a nurturing climate in which delicate, tentative new thoughts and productive processes can emerge. Then, in my experience, there are other situations in which the empathic way of being has the highest priority. When the other person is hurting, confused, troubled, anxious, alienated, terrified; or when he or she is doubtful of self-worth, uncertain as to identity, then understanding is called for. The gentle and sensitive companionship of an empathic stance - accompanied of course by the other two attitudes - provides illumination and healing. In such situations deep understanding is, I believe, the most precious gift one can give to another.


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