图片:格温妮丝·帕特洛和克里斯马丁于2014年1月11日在贝弗利山庄,加利福尼亚参加了第三年度的西恩·潘和朋友们帮助海地家庭联欢晚会。(照片由Kevin Mazur /盖蒂图片社为J/P海地救援组织)。
Why do we sometimes stay friends with ex-partners? There may be many reasons, but according to a new paper in Personality and Individual Differences they fall into seven main categories – and men and women don’t quite see eye-to-eye on them. The research also found that certain personality traits were related to motivations for staying friends after a break-up.
为什么我们有时候会和前任伴侣保持朋友关系?这里可能有很多原因,但是根据《人格和个体差异》的一篇新论文,分为七个主要原因,而且,男人和女人对他们的看法不太一致。研究还发现,某些性格特征与分手后保持朋友关系的动机有关。
Justin Mogilski and Lisa Welling at Oakland University, US, asked a group of 348 volunteers to think of as many reasons as possible for why two former partners might want to remain friends. This resulted in a 153-item list..
为什么两个前伴侣还有可能希望保持友谊?美国奥克兰大学的Justin Mogilski和Lisa Welling要求一群348名志愿者为此考虑尽可能多的原因,结果他们得到了153个项目清单。
A second group of hundreds more people – all of whom who had gone through at least one break-up (and were overwhelmingly exclusively heterosexual) – rated the importance of each item on a scale of 1 – 5. Then they completed personality questionnaires, including one tapping features of pathological personality, such as the tendency to experience negative emotions, antagonism (aggression and grandiosity), and sensation-seeking..
情绪的倾向,敌意(侵略新和浮夸),以及和寻求刺激。
在第二组的数百人中,他们都经历了至少一次分手(绝大多数是异性恋者),以1~5的评分级别来评价每一个项目的重要性。他们同时完成了人格问卷,其中包括病理性人格特征的抽样,例如,体验消极From the ratings, Mogilski and Welling identified seven main categories of reason for wanting to stay friends with an ex:.
Mogilski和Welling从评分中确定了希望与前任保持关系的七个主要的原因:
- Reliability/sentimentality (e.g. “They made me a better person.”).
可信赖/多愁善感(例如,“他们让我成为一个更好的人。”).
- Pragmatism (e.g. “They had a lot of money.”).
实用主义(如“他们有很多钱”)。
- Continued romantic attraction (e.g. “I still had feelings for them.”)
持续的浪漫吸引(例如,我仍然对他们有感情)。
- Children and shared resources (e.g. “Me or my ex was pregnant.”)
孩子和共享资源(例如“我或我的前男友怀孕了”)。
- Diminished romantic attraction – which could cause a friendly relationship to lose its sexual aspect (e.g. “I lost sexual interest.”)
浪漫的吸引力减弱——这可能会导致失去性方面友谊关系(例如“我失去了性兴趣”)。
- Social relationship maintenance (e.g. “To prevent awkwardness in our friend group.”)
社会关系维护(例如“防止我们在朋友群体中的尴尬”)。
- Sexual access (e.g. “To keep having sex with them.”)
性接触(例如“继续与他们发生性关系”)。
总的来说,参与者的可信赖/多愁善感的原因是最重要、最实用最重要的原因。
There were some gender differences: men gave higher scores to practical and sexual access reasons than women did. Still, when certain aspects of personality (extraversion, honesty/humility and antagonism) were controlled for, the gender difference was only slight – in other words, men and women with similar personalities tended to give similar reasons. In particular, participants of both sexes who scored more highly on the trait of antagonism and/or on extraversion, gave higher ratings to practical reasons for maintaining a friendship. Extraversion in men and women was also associated with being motivated to maintain a friendship to continue sexual encounters..
在这里有一些性别差异:男性在实用主义和性接触中的得分原因比女性高。然而,当人格的某些因素(外倾性、诚实/谦逊和敌意)被控制的时候,性别差异只是轻微的——换句话说,具有相似人格的男性和女性往往有类似的理由。特别是,在敌意和/或外倾性方面得分更高的男女参与者,为维持友谊而给予了更高的评分。男性和女性的外倾性也与为了性接触而继续维持友谊的动机相关。