That sweating, trembling feeling: 10 strategies to cope with your shyness


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Sian Prior/卫报
陈明 翻译

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Social anxiety can manifest itself mentally and physically. Here are ways you can learn to manage it心理学空间9|6RO.g['T~

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社交焦虑可以在精神和身体上表现出来。您可以学习以下的方法管理你的社交焦虑心理学空间V Gcs"jT'A

A woman looks through a gap in the curtains.Shy people often feel anxious about social encounters. Photograph: Alamy

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According to British singer-songwriter Morrissey, “shyness is nice”. When it leaves you feeling breathless, voiceless and even friendless, though, it can be anything but nice.

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Shyness often manifests as social anxiety, and as Morrissey sings in his song Ask Me, it can stop you from doing the things you want to do in your life.心理学空间4Q$@NKj*V B

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害羞常常表现为社交焦虑,正如莫里西在他的那首“Ask Me”中唱的那样,害羞能阻止你做你想做的事情。

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After spending more than four decades wrangling with my own shyness, I wrote a book called Shy: A Memoir in which I investigated the causes and symptoms of this inherited personality trait.心理学空间AID#pkS

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I discovered that shy people often felt anxious about social encounters because they feared other people’s judgment – specifically, their negative evaluation. We torment ourselves with self-critical thoughts such as “I look out of place”, “I sound stupid” and “I’m making a fool of myself”.




Our fear can manifest as a bunch of distressing physical symptoms, including sweating, trembling, hyperventilating and blushing. Shy folk feel self-conscious in the company of people they don’t know well and will cross the street to avoid having to speak to acquaintances. In the long term, social anxiety can also mess with the digestive system. All that churning sometimes causes Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS).心理学空间h0]C&@8qW1qb%n


The good news is that shy people are often those with the most empathy. We spend a lot of time considering what other people are thinking. Many shy people go into the caring professions, like nursing, teaching and counselling.心理学空间NNo&LWt|.B

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So how can we best deal with the downsides of shyness and take advantage of the upsides?

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We used to think shyness was refined. That was before social media
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Based on the research I did for my book, I’ve come up with a list of 10 practical strategies for coping with shyness:



1) Use self-talk to reduce your discomfort. Remind yourself that 50% of the people around you are probably also feeling shy. You are not alone in dealing with these feelings. Try to separate your mind from your body’s symptoms, eg tell yourself “oh, there go those butterflies in my stomach again, they’ll disappear soon”.

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2) Plan ahead. Prepare for social events that you feel nervous about. Spend some time trying to remember the names of the people who might be there. Perhaps find “safe” friends who are also going to the event. Use self-talk to remind yourself that you won’t be able to control all aspects of this social interaction. Be prepared to deal with a level of uncertainty.


2)提前计划。为那些你感到紧张的社交活动体验做准备。尝试着花一些时间记住可能出现在那里的人的名字。也许能这些人之中找到“安全”的朋友。和自我交谈来提醒自己,你无法控制社交互动的说有方面。准备好应对一定程度的不确定性。心理学空间 v5zF,m4B'S

3) Help others at social events. Try to spot some other shy people and help them out by approaching them. This takes the focus off your own discomfort and gives you a focus to help you take the attention off yourself. Assume the burden of initiating the conversation by asking others questions about themselves.心理学空间 i/T$g3X8R8C se\;X O



4) Try exposure therapy. Give yourself regular small challenges in dealing with your shyness, to give yourself confidence (but keep them small to begin with because if you have bad experiences they might reinforce your fears). Then reward yourself for being brave in the face of your anxiety.心理学空间Q!U$D5^M:wbB

O O%\P3K b:[04)尝试暴露疗法。给自己定期的小挑战,以处理你的害羞,给自己信心(但要从小处开始,因为如果你有不好的经历,它们可能会重新增强你的恐惧)。然后奖励自己勇敢面对你的焦虑。心理学空间yc^T1SbiqR

5) Organise or join social activities in ways that suit you. It can help to arrange or go along to events that are regular or semi-regular (eg book clubs, clothes swaps, meet-ups, classes, tree-planting) where you know who’ll be there, and there is an activity as the main focus of the event. This gives you something to talk about that you all have in common, as opposed to free-form socialising.心理学空间~} c3mP0K

r9OsU.PW ^ h05)以适合您的方式组织或参加社会活动。它可以帮助你安排或参加定期或半正规的活动(例如读书俱乐部、服装交换活动、聚会、课程、植树),这些你知道谁会参加的活动,同时这些活动有一个主要焦点事宜。这样就会给予你谈论大家都从事之事的机会,而不是那些自由的社交活动。

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6) Confide your shyness to others rather than hide it. This can have a cathartic effect and reduce your sense of aloneness and/or shame.


nSu6OJ E r06)想别人倾诉你的羞怯,而不是隐藏它。这种具有宣泄的作用的行为,会减少你的孤独和/或羞耻感。心理学空间*f+HdOTrj

7) Adopt a “persona”. In your professional capacity or your parenting capacity, for example, you can tell yourself that you are not being judged, because you represent something bigger and more important than you (your place of employment, your useful work role, or your role as a carer).心理学空间 P y5M Z srx



8) Keep a diary of your journey to manage your shyness/social anxiety. Note your progress and your challenges. Reflect on what you are going through.心理学空间,Jm F?$X6mIr0M j

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8)记下你克服害羞/社交焦虑的心路历程。注意你的进步和挑战。反思你正在经历什么。心理学空间] SIO'Q+Et

9) Use social media to reach out, but be wary of the downsides. Monitor its effect on you and take breaks when you need to. Assess the positives and negatives (eg FOMO).


s:nC.}*Kjj%N2i09)利用社会媒体来实现目标,但要警惕自己走下坡路。监控对你的影响,并且在你需要的时候休息一下。评估积极的和消极的方面(例如,错失恐惧症FOMO)。心理学空间uY9Zz%~p J/Ku

10) Try other anxiety management strategies. Consider meditation, yoga, physical exercise, deep breathing and other forms of relaxation therapy. You can also seek professional counselling. Psychologists are trained to help people with social anxiety and can offer cognitive behaviour therapy and reassurance.  You could also consider joining an anxiety support group.

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3hj^u0i u7w0www.psychspace.com心理学空间网
TAG: 害羞 焦虑 社交恐惧
«延迟满足,如今的孩子比上一代做得更好 科普
延伸阅读· · · · · ·
作者: Sian Prior/卫报 / 1273次阅读
时间: 2017年10月09日
来源: 陈明 翻译
标签: 害羞 焦虑 社交恐惧
路径 > 心理学人 > 陈明 常熟心理咨询师 > 科普