作者: Sian Prior/卫报 / 2373次阅读 时间: 2017年10月09日
来源: 陈明 翻译 标签: 害羞 焦虑 社交恐惧

That sweating, trembling feeling: 10 strategies to cope with your shyness心理学空间;Snu7kM`IN0g



Sian Prior/卫报
陈明 翻译


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Social anxiety can manifest itself mentally and physically. Here are ways you can learn to manage it

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社交焦虑可以在精神和身体上表现出来。您可以学习以下的方法管理你的社交焦虑心理学空间gd vxCQ}

A woman looks through a gap in the curtains.Shy people often feel anxious about social encounters. Photograph: Alamy

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According to British singer-songwriter Morrissey, “shyness is nice”. When it leaves you feeling breathless, voiceless and even friendless, though, it can be anything but nice.心理学空间 Fw$N@'y

5NGyTL3p XE(n0英国歌手莫里西(Morrissey)说,“害羞是美好的”。然而,害会让你感到喘不过气来,默不出声,甚至没朋友,害羞绝对不美好。心理学空间-UNwe;Z#i

Shyness often manifests as social anxiety, and as Morrissey sings in his song Ask Me, it can stop you from doing the things you want to do in your life.

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害羞常常表现为社交焦虑,正如莫里西在他的那首“Ask Me”中唱的那样,害羞能阻止你做你想做的事情。心理学空间 lMg${jx Y


After spending more than four decades wrangling with my own shyness, I wrote a book called Shy: A Memoir in which I investigated the causes and symptoms of this inherited personality trait.心理学空间Ir'{0?O6|z



I discovered that shy people often felt anxious about social encounters because they feared other people’s judgment – specifically, their negative evaluation. We torment ourselves with self-critical thoughts such as “I look out of place”, “I sound stupid” and “I’m making a fool of myself”.

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%i.b&|0m$`Q ~+}oO0我发现,害羞的人经常对社交场合感到焦虑,因为他们害怕别人的判断,尤其害怕别人对他们的负面评价。我们用自我批评的思想折磨自己,比如“看起来我很不正常”,“我的话听起来很蠢”以及“我正在欺骗着自己”。


Our fear can manifest as a bunch of distressing physical symptoms, including sweating, trembling, hyperventilating and blushing. Shy folk feel self-conscious in the company of people they don’t know well and will cross the street to avoid having to speak to acquaintances. In the long term, social anxiety can also mess with the digestive system. All that churning sometimes causes Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS).

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The good news is that shy people are often those with the most empathy. We spend a lot of time considering what other people are thinking. Many shy people go into the caring professions, like nursing, teaching and counselling.心理学空间8w2ZWC3dNg1J

Q XiQ L0?c"j'hu0好消息是,害羞的人往往是最有同情心的人。像我这样害羞的人,会花很多时间考虑别人的想法。许多害羞的人进入了爱心职业,例如护理、教学和咨询。心理学空间(B-C4Q3I:@X

So how can we best deal with the downsides of shyness and take advantage of the upsides?


~D;} enB}p4l'J1}0那么,我们怎么才能更好地应对害羞的缺点、利用其好的一面呢?


We used to think shyness was refined. That was before social media心理学空间"b)MWHz
——Ian Jack

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我们过去常认为害羞是优雅的。但那是在社交媒体出现之前。心理学空间^N ^l.O"vB"RVK N

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Based on the research I did for my book, I’ve come up with a list of 10 practical strategies for coping with shyness:心理学空间2hhK+{h}7F{



1) Use self-talk to reduce your discomfort. Remind yourself that 50% of the people around you are probably also feeling shy. You are not alone in dealing with these feelings. Try to separate your mind from your body’s symptoms, eg tell yourself “oh, there go those butterflies in my stomach again, they’ll disappear soon”.心理学空间7@#I%_;?(e/n*uS9~i^

x }K1LWo01)用自言自语来减轻你的不适。提醒自己,周围50%的人也可能感到害羞。其他人也同样在处理他们的害羞,你并不孤单。尝试着将你思想与身体的症状分开,比如告诉自己:“哦,肚子里的那些心慌意乱很快就会消失的。”。

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2) Plan ahead. Prepare for social events that you feel nervous about. Spend some time trying to remember the names of the people who might be there. Perhaps find “safe” friends who are also going to the event. Use self-talk to remind yourself that you won’t be able to control all aspects of this social interaction. Be prepared to deal with a level of uncertainty.心理学空间)A$J{ h)rF N5]5Y


2)提前计划。为那些你感到紧张的社交活动体验做准备。尝试着花一些时间记住可能出现在那里的人的名字。也许能这些人之中找到“安全”的朋友。和自我交谈来提醒自己,你无法控制社交互动的说有方面。准备好应对一定程度的不确定性。心理学空间9u/] @8}|q b V.K3B

3) Help others at social events. Try to spot some other shy people and help them out by approaching them. This takes the focus off your own discomfort and gives you a focus to help you take the attention off yourself. Assume the burden of initiating the conversation by asking others questions about themselves.心理学空间4H]@K A{

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3)在社交活动中帮助他人。试着找出一些害羞的人,通过接近他们来帮助他们。这会让你远离对自己不适的关注,帮助自己移开关注于自己的注意力。通过询问别人的情况来承担发起谈话的责任。心理学空间J DCyK2C.O

4) Try exposure therapy. Give yourself regular small challenges in dealing with your shyness, to give yourself confidence (but keep them small to begin with because if you have bad experiences they might reinforce your fears). Then reward yourself for being brave in the face of your anxiety.


M)R-Z2za pZLn04)尝试暴露疗法。给自己定期的小挑战,以处理你的害羞,给自己信心(但要从小处开始,因为如果你有不好的经历,它们可能会重新增强你的恐惧)。然后奖励自己勇敢面对你的焦虑。


5) Organise or join social activities in ways that suit you. It can help to arrange or go along to events that are regular or semi-regular (eg book clubs, clothes swaps, meet-ups, classes, tree-planting) where you know who’ll be there, and there is an activity as the main focus of the event. This gives you something to talk about that you all have in common, as opposed to free-form socialising.心理学空间Yt [6h G P&oi

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6) Confide your shyness to others rather than hide it. This can have a cathartic effect and reduce your sense of aloneness and/or shame.心理学空间D CVAZ9pK

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6)想别人倾诉你的羞怯,而不是隐藏它。这种具有宣泄的作用的行为,会减少你的孤独和/或羞耻感。心理学空间"Z R/gr]4l2r$v

7) Adopt a “persona”. In your professional capacity or your parenting capacity, for example, you can tell yourself that you are not being judged, because you represent something bigger and more important than you (your place of employment, your useful work role, or your role as a carer).心理学空间V*J1k4Bb4gmW]



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8) Keep a diary of your journey to manage your shyness/social anxiety. Note your progress and your challenges. Reflect on what you are going through.

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9) Use social media to reach out, but be wary of the downsides. Monitor its effect on you and take breaks when you need to. Assess the positives and negatives (eg FOMO).




10) Try other anxiety management strategies. Consider meditation, yoga, physical exercise, deep breathing and other forms of relaxation therapy. You can also seek professional counselling. Psychologists are trained to help people with social anxiety and can offer cognitive behaviour therapy and reassurance.  You could also consider joining an anxiety support group.

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a2dc n D)\/r8O&c010)尝试其他管理焦虑的策略。可以考虑冥想、瑜伽、体育锻炼、深呼吸和其他形式的放松疗法。你也可以寻求专业咨询。训练有素的心理学家可以帮助有社交焦虑的人,并提供认知行为治疗和安慰。您也可以考虑加入焦虑支持小组。

TAG: 害羞 焦虑 社交恐惧
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