那种出汗、颤抖的感觉:10种应对害羞的策略 简版

That sweating, trembling feeling: 10 strategies to cope with your shyness心理学空间PgL1gE

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Sian Prior/卫报
陈明 翻译


Social anxiety can manifest itself mentally and physically. Here are ways you can learn to manage it

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A woman looks through a gap in the curtains.Shy people often feel anxious about social encounters. Photograph: Alamy


一个女人透过窗帘的缝隙看着窗外。害羞的人通常会对社交感到焦虑。摄影:Alamy心理学空间 X`)Z&rDy&t:Q `\!D

According to British singer-songwriter Morrissey, “shyness is nice”. When it leaves you feeling breathless, voiceless and even friendless, though, it can be anything but nice.心理学空间7V1]cGw8sD8z6n:\{K

5^5d^(?,]] ]{K&`m0英国歌手莫里西(Morrissey)说,“害羞是美好的”。然而,害会让你感到喘不过气来,默不出声,甚至没朋友,害羞绝对不美好。心理学空间 u.c Ms9}5p-T'l$TW

Shyness often manifests as social anxiety, and as Morrissey sings in his song Ask Me, it can stop you from doing the things you want to do in your life.心理学空间P w;CS"tuBa3ra

tN'l]t+v{2@0害羞常常表现为社交焦虑,正如莫里西在他的那首“Ask Me”中唱的那样,害羞能阻止你做你想做的事情。心理学空间rI"~%y(lmYR.u


After spending more than four decades wrangling with my own shyness, I wrote a book called Shy: A Memoir in which I investigated the causes and symptoms of this inherited personality trait.

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在与自己的害羞争斗了四十年之久后,我写了一本名叫《害羞》的书:我在这本回忆录体的书中调查了这种遗传人格特质的原因和症状。心理学空间|Uq KfeE

I discovered that shy people often felt anxious about social encounters because they feared other people’s judgment – specifically, their negative evaluation. We torment ourselves with self-critical thoughts such as “I look out of place”, “I sound stupid” and “I’m making a fool of myself”.

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!~6in/bO N3U9o5B:A0我发现,害羞的人经常对社交场合感到焦虑,因为他们害怕别人的判断,尤其害怕别人对他们的负面评价。我们用自我批评的思想折磨自己,比如“看起来我很不正常”,“我的话听起来很蠢”以及“我正在欺骗着自己”。


Our fear can manifest as a bunch of distressing physical symptoms, including sweating, trembling, hyperventilating and blushing. Shy folk feel self-conscious in the company of people they don’t know well and will cross the street to avoid having to speak to acquaintances. In the long term, social anxiety can also mess with the digestive system. All that churning sometimes causes Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS).心理学空间&s0f4IqzYD#` w

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The good news is that shy people are often those with the most empathy. We spend a lot of time considering what other people are thinking. Many shy people go into the caring professions, like nursing, teaching and counselling.

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So how can we best deal with the downsides of shyness and take advantage of the upsides?心理学空间&U$w u q(n\ @


那么,我们怎么才能更好地应对害羞的缺点、利用其好的一面呢?心理学空间 D"P4Zch-CV6G(n

We used to think shyness was refined. That was before social media
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我们过去常认为害羞是优雅的。但那是在社交媒体出现之前。心理学空间'JN$c.l.D a

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Based on the research I did for my book, I’ve come up with a list of 10 practical strategies for coping with shyness:心理学空间(A Ck}:Txm;}"x

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1) Use self-talk to reduce your discomfort. Remind yourself that 50% of the people around you are probably also feeling shy. You are not alone in dealing with these feelings. Try to separate your mind from your body’s symptoms, eg tell yourself “oh, there go those butterflies in my stomach again, they’ll disappear soon”.心理学空间6t!F|L$w

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2) Plan ahead. Prepare for social events that you feel nervous about. Spend some time trying to remember the names of the people who might be there. Perhaps find “safe” friends who are also going to the event. Use self-talk to remind yourself that you won’t be able to control all aspects of this social interaction. Be prepared to deal with a level of uncertainty.

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3) Help others at social events. Try to spot some other shy people and help them out by approaching them. This takes the focus off your own discomfort and gives you a focus to help you take the attention off yourself. Assume the burden of initiating the conversation by asking others questions about themselves.心理学空间:~ x_5B9Ic@Q

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4) Try exposure therapy. Give yourself regular small challenges in dealing with your shyness, to give yourself confidence (but keep them small to begin with because if you have bad experiences they might reinforce your fears). Then reward yourself for being brave in the face of your anxiety.心理学空间 o[3[ P@$K


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5) Organise or join social activities in ways that suit you. It can help to arrange or go along to events that are regular or semi-regular (eg book clubs, clothes swaps, meet-ups, classes, tree-planting) where you know who’ll be there, and there is an activity as the main focus of the event. This gives you something to talk about that you all have in common, as opposed to free-form socialising.

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6) Confide your shyness to others rather than hide it. This can have a cathartic effect and reduce your sense of aloneness and/or shame.


$g cLd8ojT\06)想别人倾诉你的羞怯,而不是隐藏它。这种具有宣泄的作用的行为,会减少你的孤独和/或羞耻感。

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7) Adopt a “persona”. In your professional capacity or your parenting capacity, for example, you can tell yourself that you are not being judged, because you represent something bigger and more important than you (your place of employment, your useful work role, or your role as a carer).


eX/^)`.}07)接受一个“角色”。在你的专业能力或你的育儿能力,例如,你可以告诉自己,你没有被评判,因为你代表的东西比你更重大更重要,(在你的工作场所,你的工作,是有用的角色,或你你是一个照顾者的角色)。心理学空间 T }0kt b$wr+f

8) Keep a diary of your journey to manage your shyness/social anxiety. Note your progress and your challenges. Reflect on what you are going through.



9) Use social media to reach out, but be wary of the downsides. Monitor its effect on you and take breaks when you need to. Assess the positives and negatives (eg FOMO).

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10) Try other anxiety management strategies. Consider meditation, yoga, physical exercise, deep breathing and other forms of relaxation therapy. You can also seek professional counselling. Psychologists are trained to help people with social anxiety and can offer cognitive behaviour therapy and reassurance.  You could also consider joining an anxiety support group.心理学空间u3|$B5\!z

'Xxm4dw010)尝试其他管理焦虑的策略。可以考虑冥想、瑜伽、体育锻炼、深呼吸和其他形式的放松疗法。你也可以寻求专业咨询。训练有素的心理学家可以帮助有社交焦虑的人,并提供认知行为治疗和安慰。您也可以考虑加入焦虑支持小组。心理学空间:hOjh$Qb6f J

TAG: 害羞 焦虑 社交恐惧
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Sian Prior/卫报 作者:Sian Prior/卫报 / 914次阅读
来源: 陈明 翻译
标签: 害羞 焦虑 社交恐惧
路径 > 心理学与生活 > 生活中的心理学 > 自我