一个多世纪以前,俄国小说家列夫·托尔斯泰写道,"幸福的家庭都是相似的,不幸的家庭各有各的不幸。"
The words have become immortalized, and the unhappy story of "Anna Karenina" is considered one of the greatest novels ever written. Recently, however, psychologists and sociologists are starting to question the observation.
这句话已成为不朽的名言,《安娜·卡列宁娜》的不幸遭遇则被认为是有史以来写得最好的一部小说之一。可是最近,心理学家和社会学家却开始质疑这一评价。
"I think Tolstoy was totally wrong," said John Gottman, a professor of psychology at the University of Washington in Seattle. "Unhappy families are really similar to one another - there's much more variability among happy families."
"我认为托尔斯泰完全错了,"位于西雅图市华盛顿大学的心理学教授John Gottman说道。"不幸的家庭其实是彼此相似的,而幸福的家庭才各不相同。"
约翰·哥特曼(John Gottman) and others are trying to understand why as many as one in two marriages end in divorce, and why so many couples seem to fall out of love and break apart.
婚姻都以离婚而告终以及为何如此多的夫妻不再相爱,彼此分开。
Gottman等人试图弄懂为何多达一半的Some of the most revealing answers, it turns out, come from the couples who stay together.
研究表明一些最能说明问题的答案恰恰来自那些长相厮守的夫妻。
While conventional wisdom holds that conflicts in a relationship slowly erode the bonds that hold partners together, couples who are happy in the long term turn out to have plenty of conflicts, too. Fights and disagreements are apparently intrinsic to all relationships--couples who stay together over the long haul are those who don't let the fighting contaminate the other parts of the relationship, experts say.
一般人都认为婚姻关系中的矛盾会慢慢侵蚀夫妻间的纽带,但是调查却表明其实那些长相厮守的快乐夫妻也存在着这样和那样的矛盾。显然,争斗和闹意见存在于所有的婚姻关系中——专家认为那些长相厮守的夫妻只是没有让这些争斗波及影响到婚姻关系的其它方面。
"Why do people get married in the first place?" asked Thomas Bradbury, a professor of psychology at the University of California at Los Angeles. "To have someone to listen to--to have a friend, to share life's ups and downs. We want to try to draw attention to what's valuable in their relationship."
"人们结婚最主要是为了什么?"位于洛杉矶加州大学的心理学教授Thomas Bradbury问道。"是为了找一个说话的人?是找一个朋友,来共同走过充满欢乐与痛苦的坎坷的人生道路。我们试图要人们注意他们关系中有价值的一些方面。"
Researchers are finding that it is those other parts of relationships--the positive factors--that are potent predictors of whether couples feel committed to relationships, and whether they weather storms and stick together. As long as those factors are intact, conflicts don't drive people apart.